TSR BLOOPERS

Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on start for me and... Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work!

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What antivirus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an antivirus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least:

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!! TECH SUPPORT

Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop." Customer: " Ok." Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?" Customer: "No." Tech Support: "Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?" Customer: "Sure, you told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message." Tech Support: "Did you install the update?" Customer: "No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I'm having trouble installing Microsoft Word." Tech Support: "Tell me what you've done." Customer: "I typed 'A:SETUP'." Tech Support: "Ma'am, remove the disk and tell me what it says." Customer: "It says '[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk'." Tech Support: "Insert the MS Word setup disk." Customer: "What?" Tech Support: "Did you buy MS word?" Customer: "No..."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "Do I need a computer to use your software?" Tech Support: ?!%#$=20
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Type 'A:' at the prompt." Customer: "How do you spell that?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Is your computer on a separate telephone line?" Customer: "No." (clicks the button to log on to our service) Tech Support: "Well then we can't-" Customer: "It says 'no dial tone'." Tech Support: "That's because you're on the line with me right now. You need to-" Customer: "No, that's not it. It does this all the time. I just have to try a few times, and it will let me through." Tech Support: "No, ma'am. It's not even trying to dial right now because you're on the phone with me." Customer: "It must be busy. I'll try again later."
----------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" Customer:" Pentium."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "My computer's telling me I performed an illegal abortion."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "I have Microsoft Exploder."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "How do I print my voicemail?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." Tech Support: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." Tech Support: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an Intel inside."
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: "Just call us back if there's a problem. We're open 24 hours." Customer: "Is that Eastern time?"
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support:: "What does the screen say now?"Customer: "It says, 'Hit ENTER when ready'." Tech Support: "Well?" Customer: "How do I know when it's ready