Contact Center 2007 List Of Banished Words

Contact Center 2007 List Of Banished Words
Wouldn't it be awesome if we boiled the ocean for the seemingly unending flood of nonsensical talk?
At the beginning of the year, an old friend of mine sent me a list of words that have been unofficially banished from further use by a group of students at Lake Superior State University, Michigan's smallest public university. Apparently, each year a group of students at this university put their heads together to come up with a list of words that should be banned from further use in the English language and publishes them for the benefit of society as a whole.
Among the words suggested by this group for banishment in 2007 are combined celebrity names, such as TomKat, Bennifer and Brangelina. As the nominating student said about this combined names trend, "It's so lame and pathetic that it's 'lamethetic.'"
I was very pleased to see that the group also nominated for banishment the exceptionally overused word, "awesome." Back in the dark ages, awesome was defined as "fear mingled with admiration and reverence; a feeling produced by something majestic." In my opinion, the Grand Canyon is awesome. God (of your choice) is awesome. The beauty of a horse in motion is awesome. Ask almost anyone younger than 30 years old today and you'll discover that "awesome" can also be used to describe everything from blue jeans to hot dogs.
"Here's a paper napkin."
"Awesome."
"I put mustard on your sandwich."
"Awesome."
Perhaps we should cast a critical eye toward our own industry for words and phrases that should be banished from use in 2007. We are, after all, in an industry that can reduce any name, activity, idiom, product or strategy to three-or-fewer words, then further reduce these words to a mere three letters. We love us our acronyms and, come to think of it, our useless, meaningless, overused and under-defined words and phrases as well. I therefore propose that we create our own list of words and phrases that should be banished from the contact center industry in 2007.
I don't mean that we should banish words or phrases that make sense or have some business purpose, despite the fact that they are horribly overused -- "optimization" anyone? I mean we should banish those words and phrases that when uttered in conversation make you scratch your head and wonder in silence what the other party could possibly be thinking. I mean words and phrases like:
"Drinking their own Kool-Aid." This might have basis in the Jim Jones/Guyana tragedy of 1978 in which more than 900 people died after drinking grape Kool-Aid laced with valium and cyanide. Or it could have something to do with that guy who had all his computer geeks drink poisoned Kool-Aid so they could all meet behind some planet as it passed by the earth. In any case, I'm dumbfounded as to how this somewhat macabre phrase came to be so common in the contact center industry.
I usually hear "Drinking their own Kool-Aid" when someone is spouting off about something he or she believes to be true while the rest of the rational world knows it's more likely the result of a spin job from some PR flak.
"He believes the product will change the industry."
"They're drinking their own Kool-Aid."
"Awesome."
As unpleasant as the thought of drinking poisoned Kool-Aid is, it is comparable in my mind to:
"Drinking from the fire hose." I sense a drinking theme here -- not uncommon in the contact center industry. "Drink from the fire hose" is typically used to describe a situation wherein the amount of information to be assimilated is overwhelming.
If you ever want to remove your mustache without the bother of shaving, try sticking your head in front of a fully charged fire hose. Even the mental image of someone trying to drink from a fire hose is painful to me. It could hurt so much that you wouldn't be able to drink your own Kool-Aid.
"I just got the performance metrics from ops and there's so much to learn I feel like I'm drinking from the fire hose."
"Awesome."
In keeping with the liquid theme, the next nominee is:
"Boil the ocean." This one's got me stumped, but I hear it all the time. I think it has something to do with trying to get more done than is possible. I prefer to say things like, "That's probably trying to get more done than is possible," but I often hear the boiling ocean comparison. I think it's one of those phrases that people use because it makes them sound industry-savvy, maybe a little world-weary from their ever-so-important job.
"We need to know every feature of every system in the industry."
"Let's not try to boil the ocean here."
"Awesome."
I close this month's list of banished word or phrase nominees with a phrase that has been used ad nauseam since the first geek hooked a computer up to a telephone and flipped the switch. I refer, of course, to:
"Disruptive Technology." Apparently, vendors of contact center products have come to believe that something that is disruptive to the industry is a good thing. I think they've been drinking their own Kool-Aid.
If I told you that I had something that would disrupt your lunch break or your weekend off, would you be smitten with awe and wonder? I didn't think so. So why is it that we're supposed to prick up our ears every time some system manufacturer says they've come up with a "disruptive technology?" I don't want a disruptive technology. I want progressive technology, sensible technology, usable technology, thoughtful technology. You got disruptive technology? Stick it in your fire hose and drink it.
This column could go on, but I would rather hear from readers, regarding contact center industry words and phrases that you feel should be banned forthwith. Send me your nominations and I'll continue this list in a future column. It'll be awesome!